Or (Have Vampire movies gone batty)
Somebody help me out here. When is a Vampire NOT a vampire? I really need to know because after watching the movie Twilight I am really confused and I am probably not alone. Béla Lugosi must be turning over in his grave. I looked up the definition of Vampire and here is what Webster had to say.
1: the reanimated body of a dead person believed to come from the grave at night and suck the blood of persons asleep
2 a: one who lives by preying on others b: a woman who exploits and ruins her lover.
The vampires that I watched growing up had strict rules to follow, deviating or breaking the rules would lead to severe consequences or to their demise. They slept in caskets during the day, avoided sunlight, and must be invited in to the potential victims’ home. Their preferred means of travel was to turn themselves into bats and fly. If any of this sounds foreign to you I’m guessing that you are probably still in your teens. But today that’s all changed, apparently its okay to live in a swanky home, roam around freely during the daylight and even hang out with other humans without having one for lunch. Come on people, we have rules to follow. Don’t we?
I have no personal ax to grind against author Stephenie Meyer after all this trend of remaking the Vampire started long before her novel was written. But where does it end? What’s next? And what happens when a Vampire goes into the house of mirrors in the amusement park? I bet that’s really gonna freak out his non suspecting human friends out. Maybe I should start a campaign, a SAVE THE VAMPIRE campaign. Something gotta be done before it’s too late. Come on people I’ve got questions.
Why do Vampires have fully stocked kitchens with pots and pans if they don’t eat and how is drinking the blood of animals the same as human blood? Is that like switching from regular milk to soy milk? SAVE THE VAMPIRE! How can we tell the good ones from the bad? And how do they get the money to buy all of those nice clothes?
It’s time that we put the old Vampire handbook back in print so we can put these guys back inside the old dark, dank, and dreary crypts where they belong. Look at it this way guys we are in a recession and if things keep going the way they are these new wave Vampires may be forced to put up a roadside stand and sell garlic just to make ends meet.