Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Return of the Chopping Block: The show that just won't die

The Return of Chopping Block
Or (The show that just won’t die)

This week I decided to take a break from crop circles and sci fi movies because I just found out that NBC has decided to keep cooking reality show Chopping Block on life support rather than accept the fact that great chefs don’t always make great reality shows.

I knew that this show was in trouble before the first episode aired. The voice over in the promo says that the host of the new cooking show Marco Pierre White was “the man who made Gordon Ramsay cry.” So what! They forgot to mention that the incident happened over 22 years ago when Mr. Ramsay was only 20 years old.

What does making someone cry have to do with cooking anyway?

The problem with The Chopping Block is that it lacks creativity, and imagination. That’s what usually happens when you try and produce a quality show on the cheap. What you end up with is a bunch of angry chefs yelling at each other. If that’s your kind of reality TV just surf on over to VH1will you will find plenty of that kind of entertainment, if you can call it that. Chopping block was pulled after only three episodes; that should tell you something about the quality to the show.

As you may have guessed I like Gordon Ramsay’s shows especially Hell’s Kitchen. I am sure that he doesn’t need me to take up for him but the fact of the matter is that there is a method to his madness. At the end of the day he actually helps people. My interest in reality cooking shows is more than that of the casual viewer, a few years ago; I researched them before creating my own reality cooking show called America’s Greatest Chefs. What’s that? You say you never heard of it. Well there’s a simple explanation, MONEY. Everything about the America’s Greatest Chef competition different from what you see on TV today, it is creative, entertaining, and witty, but it is an unproven formula and expensive to produce but that’s another story for another day.

When I heard that The Chopping Block was added to the NBC line up to compete with FOX's Hell’s Kitchen I almost fell off of my chair. With only 3.9 million viewers the first week and dropping to 2.6 million viewers by the third week I wondered what the suits at NBC were thinking when they decided to bring it back to air the final episodes in June. It’s the same bloody show, do they think that people forgot how bad it was or were they just waiting for this season of Hell’s Kitchen to end? Ironic don’t you think? I wonder who’s crying now.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Orion Pyramid Theory: Alien Landmarks?

In life we find that most mysteries that we encounter are easily explained but every now and then you come across something that just does not add up. If you are a regular reader of this blog you know by now that I have an abundance of theories on a variety of topics. One of my oldest theories is about the ancient pyramids. Everybody knows that pyramids can be found in Egypt and in Mexico but you usually get a strange look from people when you tell them that pyramids have also been found in Greece, the Sudan, and some as far away as China. There must be a common thread that connects these various cultures to this specific type of structures, a thread that transcends time and language barriers.

Early Egyptian pyramids were built as tombs for the kings of that era but the Pyramids builders in Mexico had an entirely different purpose in mind. According to Mexican lore the Pyramids of the Sun and Moon were built to honor the birth of the Sun and Moon gods. (Ask.com) In both cases it was the leaders or rulers who ordered them to be constructed but it still does not answer the question as to how a dozen totally different cultures that spoke different languages figured out how to build something so similar in shape.

This is where my theory comes in. If alien traveler wanted to construct landmarks large enough that they could be seen from the air the best way would be to have the locals do the work for you. The knowledge would be passed on their leaders in secret and no one would dare question it especially if it were religious in nature.
Just image that each year you and a few friends go camping but there was no map to guide you to your favorite spot, what would you do? You would find points of reference or landmarks such as the red farmhouse on the right or the covered bridge but what happens when those structures no longer exist? To prevent this from happening you would need landmarks that were permanent like large boulders or an oak tree, in the case of alien travelers Pyramids built by their leaders. Pyramids that would never be torn down and would last for hundreds of years no matter how much the landscape changed.

Another thread that connects my theory is the presence of astrology influence. When I visited the Mayan ruins in Chichen Itza, Mexico I was not surprised to see an ancient observatory in the same location of the Pyramid. There’s more, according to the Orion Correlation Theory there is a correlation between the location of the three largest pyramids of the Giza pyramid complex in Egypt and the 3 middle stars of the constellation Orion.

Still others believe the theory that the buildings near the pyramids or the Sun and Moon in Mexico are aligned with the planets in our solar system.

Is there a connection? Did we have help from our galactic visitors? We may never know.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Save the Vampire - Have all the Vampires gone Batty?

Save the Vampire!
Or (Have Vampire movies gone batty)

Somebody help me out here. When is a Vampire NOT a vampire? I really need to know because after watching the movie Twilight I am really confused and I am probably not alone. Béla Lugosi must be turning over in his grave. I looked up the definition of Vampire and here is what Webster had to say.

That's Bela Lugosi kids aka Dracula.

1: the reanimated body of a dead person believed to come from the grave at night and suck the blood of persons asleep
2 a: one who lives by preying on others b: a woman who exploits and ruins her lover.

The vampires that I watched growing up had strict rules to follow, deviating or breaking the rules would lead to severe consequences or to their demise. They slept in caskets during the day, avoided sunlight, and must be invited in to the potential victims’ home. Their preferred means of travel was to turn themselves into bats and fly. If any of this sounds foreign to you I’m guessing that you are probably still in your teens. But today that’s all changed, apparently its okay to live in a swanky home, roam around freely during the daylight and even hang out with other humans without having one for lunch. Come on people, we have rules to follow. Don’t we?

I have no personal ax to grind against author Stephenie Meyer after all this trend of remaking the Vampire started long before her novel was written. But where does it end? What’s next? And what happens when a Vampire goes into the house of mirrors in the amusement park? I bet that’s really gonna freak out his non suspecting human friends out. Maybe I should start a campaign, a SAVE THE VAMPIRE campaign. Something gotta be done before it’s too late. Come on people I’ve got questions.
Why do Vampires have fully stocked kitchens with pots and pans if they don’t eat and how is drinking the blood of animals the same as human blood? Is that like switching from regular milk to soy milk? SAVE THE VAMPIRE! How can we tell the good ones from the bad? And how do they get the money to buy all of those nice clothes?

It’s time that we put the old Vampire handbook back in print so we can put these guys back inside the old dark, dank, and dreary crypts where they belong. Look at it this way guys we are in a recession and if things keep going the way they are these new wave Vampires may be forced to put up a roadside stand and sell garlic just to make ends meet.

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